Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Other parents

So miss s has blossomed into a full blown toddler. It is exciting but makes me a little nostalgic for those days we would lie on my bed just gazing at one another. Although I do my best to resist it, motherhood seems to have lots of little bittersweet moments where I look a little longingly over my shoulder at moments past.

  Her little brain is growing so quickly it takes my breath away. Every day brings new words, new demands and lots of smiles and laughter.  While we are also experiencing lots of giggles and "cuggles" (cuddles), there is also lots of frustration on my girl's part. It is evident that she longs for more control over her environment. Whilst I try to give her as much control as is reasonable and give her a consistent rythmn to her day so she understands what is happening and what is coming next, she is starting to show some signs of aggression.  Namely biting. Which brings me to the point of this post. 

What type of parent are you to other parents?

I ask because miss s bit another child this week and the other parent did not react particularly well. There was no broken skin, there was no blood. There were no tears from the other child.  The other child gently shoved miss s off a piece of play equipment. miss s didn't like this and decided to bite her on the hand.  The other child, age 3 or so, did not notice the biting was taking place but I did, removed biting miss s, and apologised to child's mother. I also made sure that miss s made sure that she knew she was doing the wrong thing by biting.

The other child's mother did not acknowledge my apology.  

Miss s gets shoved, bitten, slapped, punched, pinched etc on a regular basis where ever we got where there a lots of little toddler tyrants hanging out.  Most of the time it is "fair bump, play on".  She is a fairly placid little girl but the last week or so, I've had to watch her a bit so as to make sure she isn't giving it out now.  My perspective is that this is a developmental phase for kids so when other kids give her a bit of a whack, I tell the parents " no worries" and reassure them I understand and am not offended. We are all in this parenting game together. A smile and an understanding comment can go a long way when you are having a trying day with your beautiful tyrant.

I know it is hard to be super parent all the time and be nice all the time but still....

Update - yep, I've re-read and I know I sound like I'm a holier than thou super chilled mum. Obviously I'm  not. Just would have liked a fellow mum to support the theory that our toddlers will not necessarily grow into psycho monsters! 


  1. Agree with everything you say.
    I do hope I don't have a 'biter! Child though ;-)

  2. Actually, just last week at creche in church our little Jamie got bitten by another girl and was thoroughly upset and I had to be called in. I was sad for him but fine with it though, as these things happen and you can't watch them 110% of the time. It's always hard when you feel like you're being judged and you're simply trying to do your best.
    Ronnie xo

  3. I'm with you Spark!

    I am a low intervention parent, I believe that most of the time kids kind of need to sort things out amongst themselves.. Kids have to discover boundaries for themselves and I think we tend to interfere too quickly and they dont really learn anything.

    Obviously if your child is hitting or biting unprovoked etc then it your responsibility to take them away, tell them off and apologise etc
    And of course we have to teach our kids what is socially acceptable, but no need for the other parent to act like YOU have bitten her kid!

    No doubt next week her precious angel will be throwing rocks at some other poor defenceless kid.
    They all take turns being the bully and being the vicitm and learning to negotiate that is a fact of life. We are just there as back up, they are there battles not the parents, so I find it crazy when other parents take it personally